


Underneath My Christmas Tree

by PhenomenalAsterisk



Series: Phe's 25 Days of Drarry 2020 [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Desi Harry Potter, Early Bird 25 Days of Harry and Draco 2020, M/M, Make the Yuletide Gay, Mall Santa AU, Santa's grotto, beach party, heaping helpings of flirtation, hot for Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:40:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28130022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenomenalAsterisk/pseuds/PhenomenalAsterisk
Summary: Harry was struck dumb. It was certainly Draco Malfoy, though why he was here -- in a Muggle shop, playing a Christmas elf named Malfeasance  -- was more than Harry's poor brain could compute.All the little boxes in his mind with a “Draco Malfoy” label on them were suddenly being upended and rearranged to make room for this new data. This Malfoy/Malfeasance wore stripey green leggings(!) and a pointy green hat(!!) and--was that really fuckingglitteron his cheekbones?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood
Series: Phe's 25 Days of Drarry 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035603
Comments: 12
Kudos: 47
Collections: 25 Days of Draco and Harry 2020





	1. Make the Yuletide Gay

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [wherever you find love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8983417) by [Fiver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiver/pseuds/Fiver). 



> This fic is a part of the 25 Days of Drarry event. I’ve rearranged the 25 early-bird prompts to my liking to form four fics, a cracky Christmas Party one, an angst-adjacent get-together, this ridiculous Mall Santa AU, and a cute dating fic. I’ll post a chapter a day leading up to Christmas.
> 
> This fic originally had no place in my plans for the 25 Days event, but I kept thinking of fiver's wonderful fic and couldn't get the idea of Draco, dressed as an improbably perfect Christmas elf out of my head. I got enough encouragement from the event's discord that I decided to go with it and here we are. 
> 
> Thanks to [Flammable_Grimm_Pitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flammable_grimm_pitch)for running it through the beta machine for me, and [ Kay ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unicorninthelibrary)for her kind encouragement.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The line for the little Santa’s Grotto was long when Harry and Teddy arrived at the garden center, but Teddy was unfazed. He bounced on his toes excitedly, tugging on Harry’s hand and pointing at something new every ten seconds. Andromeda had muttered something about historical inaccuracies but agreed when Harry had offered to take Teddy out for a weekend trip to Santa's Grotto. 

Around them were dozens of little Christmas trees, of all sorts and sizes, dividing the space to queue from the rest of the department store. Teddy was currently enamored with the row of tiny trees lined up like Russian matryoshka dolls. Harry’s favorite was the rainbow tree tucked into the corner with a curly scripted sign hanging on it that read, “Make the Yuletide Gay.” He snorted. Done and done. 

The holiday season was not a favorite for Harry. Honestly, he could take it or leave it, but it was unavoidable no matter how he felt about it. Everyone celebrated Christmas, and while he appreciated being invited and involved, he just didn’t find it all that compelling. Chalk it up to the lack of any and all holiday celebrations as the unwanted child living with the Dursleys. He idly wondered again about just taking off for the month and living in India for the entire month. Did they do Christmas in India? No, blast it, he didn’t even know about his own culture, aaaand he was spiraling. Harry looked around for something else to focus on to keep his thoughts from swirling down the drain of self-loathing and disappointment. 

Up at the little hut, there were a couple of elves minding the queue, in turns chatting up the children and peddling photography packages to the grown-ups accompanying them. Harry let his eye travel up the striped stocking legs of one svelte elf at the front of the line. Harry's a modern man and he tries not to objectify anyone based on their appearances, but he can still recognize a good looking human (or elf, as the case may be) when he sees one. And if it takes his mind off his own trainwreck of a thought process all the better.

The line moves steadily closer to Santa’s little hut, and he and Teddy appropriately ooh and ahh at the various decorations they pass. There’s a flocked tree all decked in tiny berries and another that’s taller than Harry, but thinner by half. By the time they make it to the photo counter where the elves hawk overpriced merchandise, Harry’s already in a better mood. Of course, it's then he comes face to face with that good looking elf he’d been eyeing. 

“Draco Malfoy!” 

“I beg your pardon! My name is Malfeasance, Mr Claus’s Senior Assistant Elf!” 

It was certainly Draco Malfoy in front of Harry, though why he was here -- in a Muggle shop, playing a Christmas elf named Malfeasance -- was more than Harry’s poor brain could compute. He short-circuited immediately and gaped at the blonde-braided elf in front of him. 

“Malfeasance? Isn’t that something bad?” Teddy proclaimed. “I thought elves were supposed to be named cute things like Gumdrop or Bubbles?”

“Of course! But those are the elves in charge of the nice list.” Malfeasance grinned wickedly down at Teddy. “I take care of the children on the naughty list!” At that all the blood that had left Harry’s brain decided to begin pooling in his cock.

Harry was struck dumb. All the little boxes in his mind with a “Draco Malfoy” label on them were suddenly being upended and rearranged to make room for this new data. This Malfoy/Malfeasance wore stripey green leggings(!) and a pointy green hat(!!) and--was that really fucking _glitter_ on his cheekbones? 

Luckily for him, Malfeasance was ignoring Harry altogether in favor of his godson, leaving him to goggle in peace as his brain came back online. Nope, wait, it just derailed again - the great sexy git was wearing Azka-damned pointy slippers. Slippers!! Harry whimpered. 

“Good sir! Will you be purchasing a portrait today?” Suddenly Malfoy’s-- Malfeasance’s?-- attention was fully back on Harry, and he wasn’t sure if he should be delighted or terrified. The man was wearing lip gloss and Harry couldn’t stop staring. 

“Yyyyess?” 

How kind of Draco to absolutely ignore any indication that they knew each other. Harry had a sneaking suspicion that it was because he was the more embarrassing of the two. Draco didn’t seem to realize this should be abjectly humiliating. No, he was definitely reveling in his elf persona. 

“Wonderful! We take cash or card?” Here was the first hesitance on Draco’s part-- this was a muggle establishment and wizards weren’t known for carrying bank cards.

“I do.” Harry’s face was grinning, entirely without his permission, and Draco had the decency to pink a little at the cheeks when he swiped it from Harry. 

Teddy had dashed ahead, led by another elf who was not nearly so entrancing as Draco. With the boy out of sight, Harry wondered if Draco would drop the act and explain to him what in Merlin’s name was going on, but he was sorely disappointed. 

Draco merely returned his receipt and card with a blindingly toothy grin and waved Harry through the one-way entrance to Santa’s hut. 

“Enjoy your visit! Say hi to Santa for me!”

Harry was stunned. Draco sodding Malfoy. An elf at Santa’s grotto. How absolutely delightful. He barely noticed Teddy vibrating beside him as they were ushered in to see Santa. 

Harry couldn’t have cared less about the jolly fat man in red-- he would have made the trip just to see that beautiful blond elf alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Elf Name generator suggested Draco's elf name be "Wizz Treaclebum"


	2. Neutral Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of all the Christmas bashes Harry found himself invited to, the one at the Longbottom-Lovegood household was always worth attending. They had a habit of lampooning wildly over-the-top Muggle themes with a distinctly wixen twist. Plus they were just a good time. 

This year they were having a beach-themed do. A Beach Boys album was warbling from a modified muggle record player in the corner. Neville was passing out leis and a sloppy kiss to every guest upon arrival, and Luna was making enormous neon cocktails in the kitchen. Harry thought there was actual sand sprinkled into the carpet-- proof that no one on earth could stop Nev and Luna from doing whatever they put their minds to. 

Harry collected a tall hurricane glass full of flamingo pink slush from Luna in the kitchen and was making his way further into the party when he saw Draco again. 

It was that same silvery blond mane of hair, but this time instead of his dainty elf braids he’d pulled it back into a messy bun, tendrils of hair framing his face. 

“Draco Malfoy!” Harry called, an echo of the last time he saw him. 

Draco turned to him and made a face, but his tone was pleasant. “Have mercy, Potter, please. One name is plenty for me. Especially at a party!”

Harry was grinning now. “Ah! So you’re allowed to acknowledge me as a fellow human being today.” 

Draco smirked and cocked his head. “Well,” he wheedled, and Harry laughed. 

“What was that then, yesterday? I couldn’t believe it when I saw you! Draco Malfoy working as an elf at Santa’s grotto! Thought I was having fever dreams!”

“You dream about me often then, Potter? And please, don’t make me ask again: Draco or Malfoy but not both. You make me feel like I’m back on probation.” 

“Oh! Is that what that was? Part of your Muggle-integration probation?” 

“Well, that’s certainly how it started, Potter, but I’ve long since met my mandatory service hours.” Draco leaned in conspiratorially and Harry couldn’t help but feel drawn in by the man’s twinkling grey eyes. “Would you believe I enjoy it?”

Harry’s jaw dropped again, though he couldn’t say if it was because of Draco’s admission or his overly friendly attitude. 

Draco nodded and laughed helplessly. “I do! I am only mildly surprised to find I enjoy seeing children smile. Normally I get plenty of that with my son, but on the weeks Astoria has Scorpius, I volunteer with the gang at the Grotto.” Draco smiled fondly at the moniker before continuing with a flourish. “You may also recall I have a flair for the dramatic! So of course getting all prettied up to play elf holds a certain appeal.”

“It does!” Harry blurted out, nodding profusely.

“Why, thank you, Harry.” Draco batted his eyelashes teasingly. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t wear that getup to the party tonight.”

Draco laughed outright, “You mean you WISH I’d worn it to the party tonight!” 

“You’ve got me there.” Harry colored but continued, following Draco’s lead in being bold. “I must admit it was a rather enchanting look.”

“I think you underestimate the power of leggings! They work wonders for anyone.” Draco’s eyes trailed down Harry’s body and back up. “I wouldn’t mind seeing you in some striped green tights myself.”

“Ooh, sharing clothing already, I like it,” Harry teased, moving further into Draco’s space. 

Harry was surprised to find flirting with Draco came so naturally. All those boxes rearranging in this head that weekend must have knocked something loose to put this possibility before him. But Draco’s smile was warm and Harry was in a good mood, and if this was how the rest of the party was going to go, Harry would be a happy man.


	3. Santa Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Harry. Dear, Harry. Kind, wonderful, friend Harry who is also free this evening for an enormous favor.” 

Harry groaned and tossed the magazine down. “Hermione! Dear, sweet friend Hermione who never fails to prey upon her only single friend’s lack of plans for her own purposes! Whatever do you need?”

Hermioned smiled but was otherwise unphased at being called out. “We need your help. The _children_ need your help.”

“Oh, the _children_!” Harry rejoined sarcastically. “Right, right, of course for the _children_. Do go on!”

“You see it’s their Christmas party tonight at the Muggle-Wix Integrated Primary School.”

“Yes, and?”

“And I do know how much you love and support their mission!”

“That I do, Hermione. And?”

“And they’ve had dreadful news!”

“Oh no!” Harry widened his eyes in mock horror. “A calamity that only the once-great Harry Potter can correct?”

“Not at all, Harry, I know you prefer to keep your status as benefactor to the school private. But luckily you needn’t show your face at all.” Hermione cajoled. “I’d even assist in … altering your appearance, for the event!”

At once Harry went from exasperated to suspicious. 

“Out with it ‘Mione.”

“Well the Santa we booked got food poisoning. And we need a replacement.” She was not nearly apologetic enough to be making such an audacious request. “For the children?”

“Santa Claus?! You told me Santa Claus was a mad wizard who ended up in Azkaban!”

“Yes! And in the interest of a thorough education, we have included that in the curriculum," she explained decisively. "The Board discussed it extensively and decided giving the children the full Muggle Santa experience at the party would be both festive and informative.” She shifted her weight defensively, “But in order to do that we need someone to be Santa!”

“Why not Ron?” Harry tossed out, his hands on his hips. 

“He volunteers at the school all the time, they’d recognize him, and besides he’s on tree duty. Harry, please? You can hide in the kitchen until it’s time, and then you wouldn’t even have to worry about being Harry Potter- you can just be Santa.”

“‘Just be Santa’ she says! Hermione, you realize you’re talking to someone who never actually visited Santa as a child? How exactly does one ‘be Santa?!’”

“Harry, don’t throw your sad childhood at me. You saw Santa just last week with Teddy. Just do what that Santa did!”

“Aaah right, I was totally focused on studying the mannerisms of a Muggle Santa and not all distracted by his incredibly hot elf.” 

“Harry! Please!” 

\--

At least Hermione wasn’t lying about the publicity. Harry could keep his embarrassment to a minimum by hiding behind the beautiful thick beard, grown and charmed a snowy white by Hermione. He was wearing a transfigured red suit with a pillow slipped in to better fit the requisite Santa physique. Polyjuice would have made for a more complete transition, but with such short notice, they’d had to settle for some heavy-duty glamours. 

Midway through the party, Harry was brought into the room with much fanfare. They sat him up on a dais in the corner in a big puffy chair and paraded dozens of little imps up to him one by one.

He waved and did his best Hagrid impression, hoping he wouldn’t traumatise anyone. Harry tried twinkling his eyes, but Hermione told him to stop when he looked a little too manic.

“And what do you want for Christmas?” He pushed out the words from his lower register, along with enough “ho ho ho’s” to require a bucket and a mop. 

It had been a solid half hour of greeting small children and the line of excited youths had dwindled down to almost nothing when an eerily familiar blond boy approached. 

“HO HO HOOOOH BOY!” Harry’s boisterous voice suddenly cracked as he caught sight of the boy’s father - “Draco Malfoy!” Harry yelped.

Draco was grinning madly, clearly having recognized Harry. Damn his signature glasses! “Well hello, _Santa!_ Still using full names are we? I rather thought we’d moved past that.” Draco had the audacity to wink. “What a pleasant surprise to meet you here!” 

Harry blanched and turned back to what must be Draco’s son in an attempt to stay focused. “And who might you be?” Harry attempted booming but it came out more frightening than friendly, though neither of the Malfoys seemed bothered.

“I’m Scorpius! I go to school here! I can’t believe you know my dad!”

“Oh Yes! He’s been a very good boy this year!” Harry resisted the urge to slap a hand over his face in embarrassment. 

“See, I told you you’re a good dad!” Scorpius tugged on his father’s hand with childlike delight and Harry tried not to notice his heart melting at the sentiment. “It’s so cool to meet you, Mr Santa! I thought you were still in Azkaban!"

Draco coughed, “Well, this isn’t _actually_ Santa Claus, remember? This is just a somewhat-misguided Muggle tradition. They visit a _representative_ Santa and share their Christmas list with him. You can sit in his lap if you want the full experience."

Scorpius hopped up on Harry’s knee and grinned widely at Harry. “Hi,Santa!”

Harry tried not to cringe back from the boy's intense stare. “Err, what do you want for Christmas, Scorpius?”

“Oh! Um, I don’t really know? Mom already promised me a new training broom. And I get to spend Christmas day at the manor with Dad!” 

Harry didn’t know what to say. He settled for smiling and patting him on the head. “That’s … wonderful Scorpius. You’re a very lucky boy.”

“I know!” Scorpius chirped surprising Harry with a hug and hopping down without further ado. 

“It’s your turn, Dad!” 

Draco chuckled, pink tinging his cheekbones, “Oh no, Santa doesn’t-- adults don’t really--”

“I wouldn’t mind!” leapt out of Harry’s mouth before he could think better of it. 

Draco paused, obviously torn between decorum and delight. They’d spent the better half of Neville’s party flirting shamelessly with one another, but that didn’t mean he wanted to seduce Santa in front of his own son. 

“No one else is in line, Dad! Just do it” 

Draco’s mouth twisted into a smile and he managed a twinkle at Harry, damn the man. 

“Well then.” Draco stepped up onto the dais and eyed Harry, who tried not to widen his legs too wantonly in an effort to make room on his lap for him. Draco sat carefully on one of Harry’s legs and smiled briefly at his son, who was beaming beside them. 

“Tell him what you want for Christmas, Dad!”

Draco stuttered and glanced into Harry’s eyes. “I don’t know that I need anything, really. Getting to spend the day with Scorpius is present enough.” He said honestly. Where was that mop when you needed it? Harry's heart was melting all over the floor at this sweet family.

“No, Dad! You said you wanted a date!”

Harry jerked out of his sentimental musings at that and had to reach out to steady Draco’s hip when he wobbled at the motion. 

“Is that so?” Harry’s voice was low and husky, though this time it certainly wasn’t intentional. 

Draco's blush had traveled outwards to pink his ears, “Yes, I do remember mentioning I would like a date. At some point. With someone.” His eyes darted down to Harry’s lips and back up.

“Hmmm! I just might know someone who could help you out!” Harry murmured, moving closer.

Draco’s mouth curled into a smile. “I’d like that,” he said, leaning into him. 

“Dad, You can’t kiss Santa!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the WAP reference, but every time I asked someone to talk me out of it they cheered.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Lady Gaga's "Underneath My Christmas Tree" - Same chaotic energy.
> 
> Last Advent fic starts tomorrow and is just a cute get together with lots of communication and therapy!


End file.
